Undersize Me

A college student’s daily diet can be broken down into two basic food groups: Ramen and Taco Bell. Both are cheap and both are convenient. In stark contrast, Veganism -a diet that eliminates dairy and meat– is not conventionally cheap and certainly isn’t convenient. Yet oddly enough, veganism is a growing trend that is sweeping across universities quicker than scabies. According to a 2006 survey done by the Vegetarian Resource Group, one in four college students want vegan dining options on campus. This trend towards all things not meat is reflected most in the growth of Vegetarian Times, which saw a 19.4 increase in newsstand sales in 2006. “The vegetarian sector is one of the fastest-growing categories in food publishing,” says Elizabeth Turner, Vegetarian Times’ editor in chief. “It’s a dedicated group of consumers that is growing daily.” Approximately 15% of this growing vegetarian population is vegan.

Vegan restaurants have even become a hallmark of Bohemian urbanity amongst young people. In downtown Washington DC, soy and tofu have formed an incestuous bond with poetry, hipsters, and cigarettes. On Google I just did a search for “Poetry clubs in DC,” and my first hit was “Busboys and Poets,” a restaurant that’s menu is half vegan. And believe me; their plates of soy cheese on crackers aren’t cheap either.

So why are young people, in growing numbers, doing away with meat and cheese in favor of tofu and pinto beans? Last year, I decided that I could only answer this question by trying out veganism for myself in a project that I’d like to call “Undersize Me.” - in the reverse spirit of Morgan Spurlock’s “Supersize Me.” That’s right, for two weeks I went cold turkey, cold ham, cold pork, and cold just about everything on the American food pyramid. I truly wanted to understand what was driving masses of people towards a lifestyle that was inconvenient and expensive, and perhaps, even better myself in the process.

Before undertaking project “undersize me,” my typical morning began with a bacon, egg, and cheese hot pocket accompanied with a cup of coffee, (I needed the caffeine to resist the coma inducing powers of the diabetes pocket). Yet as soon as the caffeine wore off (typically after 30 minutes) my body succumb to the inevitable sleep inducing powers of starch and bacon fat. I went about my day sluggish, lazy, and unable to think clearly. At work, my co-workers and I would drive to McDonalds for their dollar meal – out of a lack of time for “real food.” And then, after a long, sluggish, and unproductive day at work, I would retire home and relax with a TV dinner and a beer. Miraculously, for some reason, I wasn’t 200 lbs with this diet (which means I either have a metabolism that could power a nuclear reactor or a tape worm.) Yet just because I was 100 lbs and a size 1, doesn’t necessitate at all, that I was healthy.

My worst health problem was chronic fatigue. I constantly wanted to fall asleep, any time of day, and I almost always spent my breaks at work napping on whatever vacant couch I could collapse upon– when I could’ve been socializing with my co-workers. At home, anything that didn’t involve vegging out in front of a computer screen, or lounging in bed, was too much work. Even hanging out with my friends seemed like a chore. Because of my starch and fat induced fatigue, almost every aspect of my life felt as numb, meaningless, and depleted as the lives of the animals we eat.
In addition to constant fatigue and depression, I had other health problems as well. Acid reflux was a daily occurrence, and TUMS became my best friend. While TUMS were my best friend, the seasonal flu was also a frequent acquaintance of mine – given that I had virtually no immune system against colds with almost no vitamin C in my diet.

Before beginning my vegan experiment, I assumed that sacrificing meat and cheese was probably trendy – first and foremost – for health reasons. After all, you are what you eat, and most Americans eat 50 pounds of pig per year. It’s no secret that one third of all Americans are obese and that 67% of adults are overweight. Yet there are even greater risks to the American diet than weight gain.
With fat as the main course, most Americans also eat a side of cow shit peppered with E.coli in their meals as well. In the modern, cost cutting and factory intensive environment that is today’s “farm,” livestock spend a majority of their lives wading knee high in manure. When a factory is required to slaughter hundreds of animals per hour, is it likely that they’ll wash the muck off of every animal processed? About as likely as likely as yours truly giving birth to a dinosaur.

E.coli, as a foodborne pathogen was literally birthed within the bowels of these feces dwelling cows. It was first identified in 1982 during an investigation into an outbreak of hemorrhagic colitis (bloody diarrhea) associated with consumption of contaminated hamburgers (http://www.about-ecoli.com/). Ever since then, Ecoli has spread hamburger to hamburger, patty to patty, killing 2,000 Americans and 3 million worldwide per year. McDonald’s may love to see you smile, but I bet they love to see you hemorrhage diarrhea even more. Along with many other Americans, I began to feel that it might be in my best interest to abandon juicy slabs of fat smothered in shit and disease.

My life flipped upside down when I began my Vegan experiment. No meat, no cheese. Vegans also aren’t allowed to eat eggs, but I made an exception for eggs – since I was still a noobie to the lifestyle. Gone were the days of instant satisfaction. The biggest change to my life was that I had to go to the grocery store every single day. Vegetables, fruits, and tofu products didn’t fill me up in the way that McAmerican food did. A regular burrito could satiate my hunger for hours, yet I’d have to eat about two Vegan burritos to achieve the same effect.

At first – being a TV dinner connoisseur, I tried to cheat by simply replacing my intake of regular TV dinners, with vegan TV dinners. Much to my surprise, most grocery stores today actually boast a wide selection of microwavable vegan products, including: vegan burritos, potpies, macaroni, Mexican and Indian cuisine. My local Giant even offered an entire aisle of organic, vegetarian, and vegan products. Vegan convenience is possible, but it comes at a price. Most of the microwavable Vegan products were two to three times the price of the regular products. I could get five happy meals for the price of one microwaveable vegan meal.

I decided that it was time to discover new foods. Hummus and pita bread were a life saver. For a reasonable price, around 5 dollars, I could purchase six plate sized loafs of pita and about 6 oz of humus. These two items together helped me make up for much of the missing protein in my vegan diet. Other middle eastern and Indian foods helped me as well, such as lentils and mung dhal for example.

After about four days of my newfound diet, my sluggishness began to dissipate, congestion and acid reflux disappeared, and mid day naps were a thing of the past. For the two weeks I was vegan, I had copious amounts of energy and actually felt happier. I did rather well on my diet for two weeks – considering that I went cold turkey – but once Thanks Giving rolled around, I lost myself to mountains of real turkey with stuffing.

For me, Veganism was good for the body – and worth the price, when considering the improvement to my health. It did hurt the pocket book more than typical American food, but in the long run its cheaper considering the future medical bills associated with American food. Vegan food also took time out of my day, but I liked having food that I felt good about, and that made me feel good in return, as a hobby. I even, unintentionally, lost around six pounds in my two week experiment.

As a soy Guinea Pig, I learned that the components of the Vegan trend embody the more general trends amongst young adults in America: a desire to lose weight, live ethically, and be unique. Veganism is all three wrapped up in whole wheat bun sprinkled with “Dr. Cow Aged Cashew Cheese.” So raise a glass of soy milk and drink to your health. If you want to “undersize” yourself anytime soon, there is an industry of “Tufurky” and “Sheese” awaiting you.